The TPE

A Total Power Exchange means that you have given up complete control to another person.

Along with this control you have also surrendered all of your rights as a person. The submissive is truly considered the other persons property.
Just Reading these first sentences some might think this is just totaly crazy and not a good relationship in any aspect.
Welcome to the world of BDSM, where we do it just a little bit better then the Vanillas !
The mindset and the Things most of us is brought up to learn is that a good relationship is build on a common understanding , communication and respect for one another.
If you already know that i don`t need to tell you that this Three pillars is all about what a good BDSM relationship is.
One of the most difficult Things about BDSM is to communicate to another person what you really meen when you say Things like :Power Exchange, His property, rules and rules and regulations , daddy and I could og on and on……
But the fantastic aspect of a true and good BDSM relastionship is that none of theese Words even bother us at all..contuary they turn us on !

So lets og back to TPE

You are not just the Dominant’s submissive any longer, you are now the Dominant’s property, consensual owned by a Dominant. This type of commitment requires absolute and unconditional surrender and the higest form of trust you ever would give another person, I would og so far to Call it REAL LOVE in the best meaning of the Word Love.
I don`t like micro managment, but i love to see that my girl has given me the trust to take all the responsibility.
I dont need to decide what she eats for breakfast, but I decide what she is wearing on a date night.
I dont need to decide when she has to go to the toilet, but i decide when she needs a lot of attention and cuddels.
I dont need to decide when she goes to bed, but i decide that she gets enough sleep during the night.
To you see the Picture….I decide, but I dont decide Things she easily are doin by herself.
The big difference from TPE as I see it and just stupid Things to Control.
My job is to see to it that even that she is my property she makes her own decisions.

Because it is a potensial danger in my mind if all of the decisions is mine as a Dominante to take, she will be lost in herself…..That is the worst outcome of a TPE and I as a Owner always be aware of the signs if that should happen, then its time to ease up on the TPE.

The submissives limits are not set by her in a TPE dynamic, rather they are set by my as her Dominant. Think about that for a minute.  A submissive has no limits.  Her limits are whatever her Dominant desires.  I has total control over her.  She doesn’t have the luxury to set her own hard and soft limits, her limits are set by me.
Do you see the responsibillity I as a Dominante has in this situasion and what gift and trust she has given to me ?
This is the highest proof of real Love I ever can imagine !

In a true TPE relationship my submissive has given up or “exchanged” her rights. These surrendered rights are exchanged for the protection and care from me.

I do not have a Total Power Exchange relationship. my girl is not my slave but rather my property. I protect her, I care for her and I give her guidens as her Dominant.
I do not own her and her submission, I am continually working toward and earning her submission every day.

Power Exchange Circle

Our power exchange would best be described by the Power Exchange Circle, D/s Circle, that she and I have created in order to articulate our exchange.  she has chosen me to be the leader of our relationship and has gifted her submission to me and in turn I offer her my Dominance.  By doing this we continue to feed one another’s mind, body and soul.

I have the responsibilty to guide and use her as I please, I have the right to take all the decisions on behalf of the booth of us, I have the Power to tell her exactly what to do, I have the role of guiding her and let her learn more about herself then she would ever think was possible…….
All because she has given me the responsibility of a total Power Exchange.

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The sadist

Hello and welcome, pleased to meet you I’m a sadist.

Sounds scary doesn’t it,
The word rolls off the tongue in a delectably evil way doesn’t it

I suppose if you know nothing about sadists that it can seem quite scary. Let’s face it the Marquis de Sade is one of the most well know sadists in history and from the tales that be told he could seem pretty scary.

Well let’s see…what makes me a sadist.

I suppose it is the fact that I love love love to give spankings. Not only that but I also adore giving a good flogging, then there are the whips, the paddles, a hard belt spanking, real over the knee spanking,face slaps, total breath Control… . Oh but I can’t leave out a scene where the beast is in total beast mode.Where evry stroke is felt good by my submissive.

For most when the word “sadist” is all bad,  it might well bring about the image of someone dressed all in black or even black leather with a menacing scowl on their face that looks like it could melt the paint off the walls. While that may be true in the proper setting it isn’t the case in day to day life.

I like to think I’m a good Man. With my submissive I always look after her, always letting her know my Dominant presence, but many would say I am the  perfect gentleman. I open doors for her, I hold her hand when we’re walking, when we are in a vanilla setting I do my best to make her feel her absolutly best. Most of all I make sure she is taken care of.

I do my part at work, I am a honest and are clear and concise at all times with my team. I admit when I am wrong and take criticism as an opportunity for Groth and a foucus in mind that a team always beats the individuals.
But I am always aware of my “dark” side, and I think being aware of this side makes it even easier to personaly Accept how I really am.
See I’m a sadist, not your sadist or anyone else for that matter  I don’t just walk up to  someone and start spanking them. I don’t break out a whip and start whipping some unsuspecting person into submission.While I am a sadist and I revel in letting that part of me out to play when I can that is not the sum total of who I am.

I only hurt the ones I Love , as Madonna put it ! 

You see I am not extraordinary…….

Im just a Man who knows I`m a Sadist, Gentleman, Daddy and Man.
Complicated ? No not at all
And maybe suddenly the “scary” word sadist didn`t seem scary at all !

The good submissive

Just be Reading the headline some of you know that im bloging about a potensiale mine-field.
The easy answer to my headline is a women that is fully aware of who she is and what she need.
But if that was the only two answars this blog easily could end now.
Let me try to answer from a Dominant ( My persepective) on whats is a good submissive.

Many things contribute to being a good submissive and it is a personal evolution that occurs within each submissive. How far a person gets into the submissive role is a choice only she can make but often this journey needs the steady hand of a Dominant. Finding the right person to help make that journey can really complete the road for a submissive and equally be all bad if the wrong person is trying to teach a submisives different roles. There are certain characteristics that are found in many successful submissives.

Evry Dominant prefers to be served in a different way dependent on their personal style and needs. A submissive engaged in a D/s relationship should be sensitive to the needs of their Dominant and take the time to explore those needs and preferences.
Knowledge is everything and this is where a lot of submissives fail..
They dont explore their Dominant and they fail to learn.

A good submissive should be self aware. she should be able to accept and admit their faults as well as their strengths and be honest about their limitations. The ability to communicate effectively also plays a huge role in the success of a submissive; the communication does not always need to be verbal. Your ability to express your desires as well as your struggles will help you build a closer bond with me as a Dominant and create a more satisfying play experience.

A common mistake many newbie submissives make is to present themselves as to arrogante.
“i don`t need you attitude” is a no-go strategy with many Dominants ans me as well.
Arrogance is unattractive in many situations and is a sexual turn-off for me as a  Dominant. It is important to know what your limits are and be honest if you do not know. Submissives who present themselves as having no limits at all can be a red flag and also is a sign of  no experience or BDSM knowledge.

A submissive should be suitable in personality and attitude for me as a Dominant. Ultimately the most important characteristics of a successful submissive are the characteristics valued by the Dominant of the relationship. As a submissive, she should be aibel to lean towards me as a Dominant, never just because I said so, but because it is just what you need ( the none verbal communication)
For those only engaging casual play scenes where the BDSM relationship is not as serious or committed it will always be much harder to succeed as a good submissive, because playing is far from the same as living !
And of course makes it even harder for me as a Dominant to say if you are a good submissive for the same reasons.
To sum this all up….
The good submissive is strong, self aware, she explores her Dominant, she is humble and honest, she is good in communication ( verbal and non-verbal) she gives feedback and……………….


She knows that her submissiveness is a gift and the fuel for the Good Dominant.

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The psychological aspects

The ability to understand the other person is what allows one to take control. This is true in all aspects of life. understanding her psychological needs is crucial.

I see so many who make the statement about getting control of the heart and you can control all. Unfortunately for those who buy into this, I found it to be not true. My experience is that if you can penetrate a sub at a deep level, right down to her core, then you can take over all of her submission.

For this to take place, one must be able to psychologically take control. Again, any meathead can use fear as a tactic. This is shallow and ineffective. Psychological control means understanding what the submissive is seeking. What does she get out of her submission and service to you? What are her fears? Where does she feel vulnerable? What does she want? Those who can answer these questions have a chance of reaching the true depths of this experience. Sadly, few have any clue about these subjects.

Growth is an important factor in the BDSM relationship. Dominats who do not continually focus upon this area are bound to lose a submissive. This is one of her strongest needs even though she might term it something different. A Master’s duty is to take a person, gain her trust to the degree she gives all over, and help foster her along a path which leads to her fulfillment and happiness.
A fulfilled submissive is one who has reached the peak of her existence.
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For a submissive to continually grow, that means the dominant one also must focus attention on my own growth. Sadly, most prefer to live by the rule “do as I say, not as I do”. This does not work. If you want your submissive to be the best she can be, that is only possible because you became the best Master I could be.

While I touched upon the psychological aspects of things, this is only the tip of the iceberg. The psychology field is full of materials that go into great detail about this important subject. As I always say beeing a True Dominate is always about Learning and grow stronger togheter With Your submissive.
True domination is about a lot more than whips and chains…..far more !

The spanking

Spanking is a reward for both the Dominant and the submissive.
Spanking is far from just hitting, because if it was so “easy” everybody could do it.
It is far from high-tech, but its all about experience and as a Dominant controlling the scene and the submissive.
Pain is strange in a way…its a motivator as well as it is a Chemical thing.
Now im am far from a chemist or a doctor but Google always comes for the rescue !
This is what i found about the Chemical part of BDSM:
There is a neurochemical that is held responsible for this. Called “the Love Hormone” by some, the hormone/neurotransmitter oxytocin is the culprit that causes the feeling of strong bonding to take place between lovers, parents and their children, close friends, and yes, between Dominants and Submissives! Whereas other neurochemicals play a strong role in other forms of play, such as endorphins, adrenaline/enkalphines, dopamine and seratonin to name a few, the bonding effect between Dominants and submissives can be directly tied to oxytocin. The almost religious devotion of the submissive—bringing on “floating” and an intense experience of oxytocin at work—and the heady experience of “Dom-space” come about through powerful amounts of oxytocin being present in their systems.

When the chemestry is all known let me take you back to the reward it is to spank Your submissive.
Spanking is always best if proper spanking etiquette is followed:

Strikes should be focused on the lower, meatier part of the bum-cheeks and upper thighs.
Follow thru on every strike.
Slap hard enough to leave a hand imprint or mark With whip or belt.
If you are using a Whip or a belt, vary the intensity on every strike.
Use Your voice to Control the submissive.
Be calm when you spank Your submissive.
Check on Your submissive frequently, not only in aftercare !
I personally has two favoritt positions when I spank my submissive ( OTK hand spanking or  the submissive chained to a bolt in the roof for whipping)
Find Your favorite it is Your task to also make that the favorite of Your submissive.
And dont forget:
You’ve got to have the perfect amount of room to get an arc with your good spanking arm, as well as enjoy the view !

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Okey, now lets get to the fun part.
Now lets focus on some of the Tools I use for a good spanking

The Hand
The classic spanking tool, literally passed down through the generations. We’ve all got them and they’re practically made for spanking, as you can most accurately control the intensity of your blows.
A good hand spanking is bringing the submissive closer to me as it is all stripped Down.

Paddle
The humble paddle is widely available in a number of materials like wood, metal or leather to vary the sensations, and offer a much more assertive slap then the hand. Don’t start a spanking session by going straight to the paddle; build up the tension with some hand slaps before moving on to this tool.

Whips and Floggers
There are as many varieties of whips in the world as there are bums for them to be slapped across, each offering a different type of sting. The length of the whip and they type and texture of the material it’s made with all play a part in the final experience you’ll have.

The Belt
Another classic, The leather belt leaves Instant marks on Your submissive and it is important that the belt is genuin leather.
The sound of spanking With a belt is priceless and the sound gets better the more intense you strike !

The good part about spanking is that you don`t need a “scene” to spank Your submissive, the hands and the belt is always available , exactly the same as the submissive bum is alwalys avalilable……..
Hey that`s not a coincidence is it ??

 

 

The Dominant entitlement

There are far more men using the title “Dom”to hide their insecurity and provide them with a sense of Dominant entitlement, ultimately giving what they believe, an excuse to behave like an asshole. As well, there are far more men who enjoy “kink” or “kinky sex” and are using the title ‘Dom’ as an excuse to make women (submissives) feel obligated to entertain them .

Regardless of whether that be true or not, just because “Thomas” decided to wake up this morning and be a “Dom” doesn’t now mean that any and every single submissive woman he meets and takes a liking to, must now serve him.

Do I believe Dominants should be respected? Absolutely. It is perfectly appropriate behavior for a submissive to be respectful towards Dominants she comes in contact with. However, just because it is given initially, that doesn’t mean it is a license for a “Dom” to do whatever they please without consequence. It’s also not to be confused with servitude.

Respect may be given initially, but it is earned and maintained through mutualrespect, regardless of the title someone decides to place beside their name.

A submissive is a woman and a woman who is single owes a Dominant nothing. Her purpose is certainly not to entertain a man just because of his title.

As a Dominant, these are some of
the principles I follow

I want to know what she is made of. However, it is not for me to demand that she prove herself to me. This can only be given, submission is a choice, a free choice a woman makes… It is not claimed!

I value a certain level of modesty and class. There has to be more to her then a submissive.
I quess that dosen`t come as a surprise cos i think all you submissive women also look for more then just the title “Dom”.
What you stand for ?  What do you urge for ? Whats your passion ? Whats your story ?

Can be essential questions for me as a Dominant to know.

Dominant entitlement isn’t a right – it is earned and it is given freely.

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However, I am a confident man, my Dominant ego is fully intact and great enough that I do not fear my submissive speaking to another man or  Dom. I do not fear they will see something better in another man and therefor leave me for another man.
If this happens it really was out of my control anyhow and at the end of the day the Control bit is always my respnsibillity.
As I always use to say All beauty is best shown outside of a Cage, but some also shine inside that Cage.

know my Dominance, I am secure in what I stand for and who I am.
This means that I do not fear being alone.
Fear is the opposite of safe and beeing in control….A “dom” that shows fear andis giving his submissive a hard time for his fear….He is NOT a true Dominant.
Here’s a little secret to the Dominants that may be reading this, if you’re insecure and have to force it… You won’t have much value to a submissive either. Your colors will eventually shine through.

The bottom line is this; submissive Ownership is given freely, not claimed and until that has been clearly given, Dominant entitlement does not exist.
This one of the most important sentences a Dominant ever should learn.

No matter how badly you may want them or how much it may hurt your insecurity that they don’t want you – you aren’t entitled to a damn thing.

Respect is earned and servitude is given… Freely.
When and to whom respect and servitude are given, is solely the decision of the submissive.

The Do`s and The Dont`s

Its not easy telling anybody about the Do`s and the Dont`s !
But as this is my blog i will give it a try regarding subspace.
Subspace is a beautiful end of the rainbow of BDSM booth me as a Dominant and my submissive should encounter together.

Submissives should also learn the activities and things that induce them to enter subspace. Also practicing on ways to exist subspace can help a submissive as well. The more you know about your responses to subspace the better off you will be as a submissive.

DON’T: Ignore the way the submissive is acting

While some Dominants like to see their submissives in this space, I also need to make sure you note when this state occurs. Since this is a state in which the submissive may not be as able to make decisions, I as a Dominant will need to oversee the safety measures in place.

DO: Be careful with the submissive

As the submissive drops into subspace, I as a  Dominant will need to be more careful in all the things that happen during a scene. This might mean not doing all the planned activities or even stopping the scene early to make sure the submissive is safe.

DON’T: Try harder punishments or positions

This is NOT a time to see just how far the submissive can go, even if they say that’s what they want to do. Some submissives might have an agreement ahead of time to try this out, but it can be risky for all levels of BDSM participants. Instead, try to continue the energy of the scene at a slower pace and perhaps use punishments or positions that are easier for the submissive.

DO: Check in with the submissive often

The trick with checking in with your submissive is that they might not be able to tell you what they’re feeling or what they want. Still, it’s a good idea to check in to see if they do respond to you and to make sure they’re safe.

DON’T: Leave them alone in their altered state

Since they might not be able to speak up or let you know if something is wrong, ideally, I never leave her alone until they are ‘back’ from their altered state.

All safety equipment should be in the same room you are playing in. A cell phone for emergencies, a glass/bottle of water, some fruit and a warm blanket to help revive a submissive after an intense subspace are a good idea to have in the room as well. This should limit your need to have to leave the room.

If I must leave the room, make sure the submissive is untied, and laying down comfortably in a place is safe and secure.

DO: Realize the submissive might not use their safeword

Though you might be counting on your submissive to use their safeword when things get intense, they might not remember to use it. This is another reason why playing things safer once a submissive is in subspace is a good idea.

DON’T: Bypass agreements you made previously

No matter what happens in a scene and what you think a submissive might be able to take in this altered state, it’s better to stick to all your agreements.

In subspace a submissive’s inhibitions drop and their ability to handle more pain can increase. Many a submissive have become braver and begged to have me as a Dominant cross per-negotiated limits. Activities that have been completely off limits before for a submissive can seem surprisingly desirable.

It is my responsibillity to always protect my submissive
This should and must be rule number one for any Dominant.

Any activity or limit that is crossed during play can have serious physical and emotional consequences once the submissive comes out of subspace.

DO: Watch the skin of the submissive

Another thing to keep in mind when my submissive is in an altered state is their skin. You can look at their skin after a punishment or a bondage technique to see what the skin condition is. Check this again and again since the submissive might not be able to feel what is happening.

If the skin seems too red or it’s broken, stop whatever you are doing and tend to this injury.

DON’T: Try to see how hard you can hit them

Again, this is not a time to see just how much pain a submissive can take. They might be able to make it through a tough scene, but their body might be significantly injured in the process.

DO: Know that the submissive can’t make rational decisions

While your submissive might seem to be aware, at times, of what is happening in the scene, remember that they may not be able to weigh the consequences of their decisions. Assume they are unable to make the best decisions, and watch out for their safety and well-being.

DON’T: Assume the submissive is cognizant

Even if the submissive seems to be confident in their ability to take pain, I should not assume they understand what they are saying. This is especially the case with a new submissive. Over the course of a relationship,I might be better able to understand when my submissive is being rationale vs. when they are not.

DO: Remember there are multiple types of subspace (physical and psychological)

A submissive can often be put into subspace by physical and psychological methods, for example:

  1. Intense punishments for physically induced subspace
  2. Humiliation could induce subspace psychologically in a submissive

Knowing what triggers the subspace in my submissive will help me to know when to interact with her in different ways.

DON’T: Forget that my submissive may not experience subspace the same way others do

Of course, every submissive is different, so I have to need to stay in communication with my submissive about how they feel and what they need.

DO: Practice aftercare

Make sure your submissive has time to come back to reality after being in subspace. They might need food or water or just someone to be around them until they feel they are back in their body. Aftercare after subspace is required. Leaving a submissive to recover from subspace by them self can lead to a hard subdrop.

Tending to a sub’s recovery is part of a my Dominant’s duties. Proper water, food, comfort, support and rest are all needed after such a physically and psychologically intense journey.

DON’T: Walk immediately away from the submissive

It is not a good idea to just walk away from the sub, as this might leave them disoriented and unable to figure out how to cope with her emotional and physical state.

DO: Remember the ‘drop’

Sometimes a submissive can experience a drop after being in an intense subspace. Remember that this can happen even days after a scene, so I will want to be available to talk them through it. Being available to provide more aftercare if a drop does happen days after is even better.

RememberI as a  Dominant is meant to take care of my submissive, not just use them when it is convenient to me and then toss the submissive aside.  As a good Dominant I should be available to their submissive in times of need and subdrop is a time of need.

DON’T: Believe the submissive will be fine

My submissive may need my help managing subspace, and as the Dominant, that’s me job too.

The Threesome

There might not be a more stigma to the Dominant male then the dream of a FFM threesome. Also many Dominants feel more in Powered when a singel man “rules” over two women.
I also blame the porn industry ( as I love) to build around the fantasy of a singel Man in Control over 2 women….
The FFM is obviously male-centric. If there’s any dick action going on, you know whose it’s going to be. There is one object of worship: the singular penis in the room.  Sounds great, no?

In the MMF case, it’s the other way around: the woman is now the commodity which is in short supply. She is the object to be worshipped and attended to, totally unique in her abilities and characteristics.
This also will build on my Dominant sides…Im in total Control over her beeing worshipped

Like most human beings, I like to be worshiped.  It makes you feel special, right?  What’s not to like.  The thing is, that’s not the BIGGEST turn on for me.  What really gets me going is the EFFECT I have on my submissive.  I want to contol her in evry situation, let me see that im also in contol even if there is a another man present, giving her proof of my dominance and  strength taking total control of her body, giving her away and let another Man use her as I please.
THAT’S the good stuff… When she’s so turned on she can’t see straight or form coherent sentences.
When she knows I as her Dominant always are in Control.
Total Control over her body and mind.
I as her Dominant are in charge over who I choose  that can fuck her and use her as I please,

For the same reason, the idea of double-teaming my submissive has an incredibly naughty allure. This is the higest form of telling her that her body is mine and I choose who can enjoy her at my comand.
I believe it’s actually MORE proof of real Dominant then the “ordinary” FFM threesome.

 

FFM threesome?  Fun, for sure.  Exciting too!

MMF threesome?  Now that’s a thing which promises to unleash the immense latent of real Dominanse and letting my submissive relase her female sexual power and capacity that must otherwise be kept deep and held secret for fear of pejorative judgments and social stigma.
By turning the table I as a Dominant also get the benifit of a submissive who really knows that her body is mine.

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Did you ask about jealosy ?

I can never be jealous on something that is mine and I Own ! 

 

The Submissive

What is a submissive?
What needs is essentials ?
What is my toughts on a submissive from a Dominant point of view

She need to feel safe. Before she can begin to open her submissive nature to me she need to feel safe and have reason to trust me. To let Down her walls and give me control of her will may take time and testing before she feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after she has given herself to me fully, she need to be reminded that she is safe With me. She may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but she need to be sure no matter how I stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, She will remain safe in my care.
She need to know I Accept her for all she is.She need to know I Accept her as a friend, lover, companion, and my submissive.

She need to know exactly what I expect of her and know that I also understand her limits.
She need me to be consistent. She need to know I mean what I say and that today’s rules will apply to tomorrow’s behavior. Nothing confuses her more than giving her mixed signals by allowing her to break rules that I have given her.

From time to time she may test me to see if I am capable of accepting control of her life by consistently bringing me back to the path I have chosen for her.
She need to expand her limits. she need to grow and to be challenged.
She need me to teach her. She need to learn and it is I who is her teacher. Her mind is hungry for new things and learning helps her to become all that she can be. This may require me to continue to learn new things in order to keep her challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
This is the circle of BDSM.

She need goals. She need them to measure her progress and need me to provide them for her. Take time to explain those goals in ways she can comprehend My plans concerning her growth as my submissive. Without my direction she quickly become lost . Therefor she will  look to me frequently to provide a purpose and aim as she continiues in her development as a submissive.
She need to be corrected. She need me to correct me when she make mistakes. Without my correction she will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break. Without my correction, she may never know she made a mistake. Allowing her to continue unchecked will only cause her to fail both of us in the end.

She need my approval and reassurance. She need to know when I approve of her or what she has done and to know she belong to me.

She need to learn from her mistakes.She need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. She know my protective nature will struggle with allowing her to be hurt but she need to learn the consequences of what she has done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. Allow her to sort out her feelings before wiping away her tears.

She need to share with me. Sharing with me is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of a submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of her being as well as the physical body she inhabit. It may be difficult for her to give You access to the deeper levels of her emotions and feelings but those are the things she need to share the most.
She need to feel loved, respected, and protected in my ownership. No matter how well she`s done or how miserably she has failed, she need to know that she is still loved and protected by me. She will grow to be all she is capable of being more than knowing me will be there to protect her from harm and will love her even if she fall short of the target. She need to be loved and to love me in return.

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