The obedience

We operate in a lifestyle that advocates consent. It seems ironic given when we use terms such as bondage and slave that consent is at the heart of all we do. Yet, without this, we simply are engaging in abusive behavior. Consent is what makes it a viable alternative to the vanilla world. Most do not want to turn to a lifestyle where they are abused. Instead, they are attracted to BDSM as a means of fulfilling an inner desire within themselves. Of course, to get to the depth that one wants to achieve, consent is required.

I see so many who demand obedience without earning the right to do that. This is a tactic the pretendesr use quite often and the newer people tend to fall for. Obedience is at the core of BDSM interaction. However, before one can obey another, he or she needs to be absolutely certain that the person being dealt with is worthy of that. Too many portray an image that is misleading.

Removal Of Choices

A slave yearns to have her choices removed. At the same time, a Master wants the directives set down followed without question. Again, in a healthy M/s relationship, this is what transpires. Sadly, few interactions fall into this category.

Decision-making is not something the population in general excels out. We are taught to be followers as opposed to leaders. This creates an interesting dynamic when one enters the BDSM realm on the dominant side. While the natural tendency to take control exists, one has to overcome an extreme about of societal conditioning before that can occur. Today, society promotes the idea that all are equal and hierarchies are bad. This goes in opposition to the main BDSM belief.

For a slave to obey, he or she must feel confident that the person making the decisions is not a lunatic. Most has suffered at the hands of another in previous relationships and, thus, have no desire to follow that same pattern. People enter BDSM seeking a change from what they previously experienced; not to replicate the same outcome.

Takes Time

Many seem to think that the submission process means that a slave agrees to submit to a Master and all is finished. This is a wonderful concept in theory but reality differs greatly. The fact of the matter is that it takes time for one to trust enough to obey completely. As mentioned, past experiences serve as the biggest hindrance since so many suffered in the past in some form. This abuse is not instantly erased from the memory banks.

If you want to see what is important to a submissive, determine what he or she is unwilling to let go of. This will reveal an area that commonly was misused by someone in the past. A dominant will cause a heap of trouble by “pushing” things in this area until he or she has established enough trust and confidence with the submissive. Many relationships are permanently scarred because the proper time was not allocated.

Ultimately, there might come a day when a dominant one needs to assert the power over the submissive and mandate compliance. I found, that when the trust foundation is established, a submissive will be happy to comply even if there is some initial resistance. This is especially true in the M/s realm where a slave, deep down, want to cede it all and be 100% dominated. Every Master should keep this in mind and work towards this outcome.

Obedience should be expected. It is something that is non-negotiable in my view within the BDSM framework. Once the parameters of the relationship are established, a sub/slave is expected to comply within those bounds. However, it is crucial to be mindful of areas of hesitation and what causes them. Consistent decision-making on behalf of the dominant one will go a long way to establishing the foundation with the submissive. It is then that obedience becomes a great deal easier.

The reality

Bondage, S&M and BDSM are all terms that get thrown around with ever-increasing regularity but what does any of it really mean? In recent years this ‘alternative’ lifestyle has been thrust into pop culture limelight without any real discussion of what it actually is. Suddenly, activities that were previously only conducted in secret corners have been wailed about in pop songs and misrepresented in works of fiction. As such, maybe the best place to begin getting a feel for BDSM is to figure out what it’s not.

BDSM is an acronym for bondage, discipline , sadism and masochism.  It’s also where many of the misconceptions originate. More often than not when people are first exposed to BDSM, they focus on the B, S, and M and misconstrue or completely ignore the D. The most common misunderstanding is that the discipline aspect is contained within the physical punishment of the bottom. In reality, it’s the top who must first learn a high degree of personal discipline before ropes or floggers ever enter the picture. When taking a ‘top’ position, most of us enter a place somewhere deep inside us where darker desires are allowed to come to the fore. It’s a secret place where we revel in the reactions of our bottom as we administer various tortuous sensations not only into their flesh, but into their minds.

This, I think, is where BDSM gets much of its stigma. Monsters who’ve committed horrific crimes of rape and the most brutal of murders are plastered across mainstream media and labeled as sadists. While no one can argue that these criminals are not sadists, no one really makes the effort to distinguish between criminals and the rest of us. Hi, my name is Drea, and I’m a sadist. I’m also lots of other things. I’m a mother, a sister, a friend, an activist, a writer, a vocalist, a caregiver et cetera ad nauseum. I cannot in good conscience pretend there aren’t predators who use the umbrella of BDSM to abuse, rape and murder. It’s sad but it does happen and there’s no punishment great enough for such a gross misuse of trust.

If I could impart anything to the public at large, it would be the difference between the two manifestations. Those who find their way to the attention of the media aren’t merely sadistic, they’re deeply disturbed individuals.  For most practitioners of BDSM, those of us for whom this lifestyle flows in our veins, the safety of our play partners is of the utmost importance. Rather than having a harmful agenda, our activities are intensely intimate and loving… even spiritual. The release we feel, the space our psyche finds in a BDSM session is quite sacred.

As a top, I revere the gift of submission offered to me by those who choose to be under my control. As a bottom, I honor the trust engendered by the one who has me under their power and, in order to meet a mutual need, takes on the monumental responsibility of having my very life in their hands. Far from being a frightening experience, bondage in all its many forms creates, for participants on both sides of the whip, a sense of safety and freedom. One of the very hardest things for anyone to do is to be true to themselves, to hold up a mirror before oneself and examine all the parts that make us who we are – good, bad or ugly.

When approached from the proper place and explored in the proper context, immersion in the bondage lifestyle allows us to do just that and to celebrate every part of ourselves without the shame of judgment or misunderstanding. Experiencing freedom of self on such a level relieves a massive burden of feeling ‘flawed’ or ‘weird’ for enjoying things that have been labeled as ‘wrong’. For anyone to toy with so sacrosanct an exploration of ourselves or to use it for devious ends is an affront to who we all are as human animals. Above all else, we need to know that trust exists. In the realm of BDSM, as in life, when trust is abused and destroyed, it is an entirely needless tragedy. With so many people out there who respect and cherish the lifestyle we have embraced, who have a willingness to share our experience and knowledge with those just discovering BDSM, it’s a tragedy that need never occur.

The effort

Many believe that dominating another consists of barking out orders to a submissive type and expecting they be followed. While that is an obvious aspect of things, being a dominant person requires a great deal more than that. Some of what I am going to discuss is going to separate the pretenders from the crowd.

Like I always mention, common sense goes a long way towards clarifying the issue. To start, a Dom will carry himself in a certain way. There is a lot to be said about how one carries him. Typically, a person’s confidence and strength shines through in the demeanor that is maintained.

How are you carrying yourself? Do you approach situations like you are leery and unsure? Do you have the confidence in yourself and your abilities to weather any situation? Being in control of another person is a great responsibility; do you have the muster to live up to this? These are all questions that can be learned from simply looking at how one carries him.

Pretenders get demanding. They need to be boisterous so as to have an impact. However, they fail to realize there is a much greater impact in the quiet approach. Those who are truly confident do not have to promote their power. It ultimately shines through in their actions.

We can see the same attitude online. There are so many “Masters” I come across who are anxious to exert their “power”. They are all too willing to tell you they are Masters and are to be respected. Of course, anyone with have a brain knows that respect is earned and not freely given.

Online, I rarely tell anyone what I am unless they specifically ask. Usually, the information is provided in a profile anyway so if one wants to know, he or she can check out my profile in that group. I do not need to hear myself say I am a Master to try to reaffirm it. It is all part of how I choose to carry myself online.

Being a Dom/Master is not an easy course to follow. There are many instances where issues arise which are completely your responsibility. Even if you didn’t create them, the dominant person needs to straighten it out. Few are able to do this. Most have issues planning a vacation let alone being responsible for the direction of another person’s life. Being in control is something that should not be taken lightly.

In closing, anyone who is considering this way of life needs to understand that being a Dom/Master is more than just having a sex toy. There is a great deal of effort required for success. Even under the best of conditions, most BDSM relationships fail (not unlike society in general). Relationships are work. However, if you believe that you are going to come in and just bark orders while walking around like a pansy, the chances of failure just increased substantially. Knowledge and effort are necessary.

The real Dominant man

To me Domination is a natural thing, this is who i am.
Being a Dominant man requieres so much more than holding the paddle or the whip and bark out commands to his submissive girl.
My statment is there is no man who has a higher self-awareness then a real Dominant man.
In this blog I will try to put down in writting what i mean a real Dominant is from my point of view.

A Dom does not demand respect. He conducts himself in such a way as to be worthy of respect.

A Dom does not bark commands. His presence is such that he can seduce and command with nothing more than a glance.

A Dom does not raise his voice. He is the kind of man who gets what he wants without needing to.

A Dom is not a braggart. He is possessed of a calm, quiet confidence that is evident in his demeanor, the way he walks, the tone of his voice, and all other aspects of him.

A Dom understands balance. He knows that while a firm hand and discipline are critical in this type of relationship, knowing when to be gentle and understanding is every bit as important.

A Dom is a gentleman first and foremost. That does not necessarily mean that he is a fancy man who values the finer things in life, but he does understand manners and protocol. He opens the car door for her. He orders for her if she is having trouble deciding. He treats strangers with courtesy and respect.

A Dom is a protector. He makes sure that his submissive feels safe and protected at all times. This means so much more than just telling her you will protect her. A Dom shows her. He keeps a hand on her shoulder or on her waist in crowds so she does not get nervous. He sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door so that he is always between his submissive and an intruder. He walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street so that an errant vehicle will hit him before his submissive. If anything or anyone should threaten his submissive, he is prepared to fight for her.

A Dom earns her submission. It is not a thing to be demanded, expected, or assumed. And he continues to earn it, day after day.

A Dom values her submission. Fully submitting your will and trusting your body and well-being to someone takes a kind of strength most cannot imagine, and a Dom never loses sight of that.

A Dom understands that being a dominant is more about responsibility and less about privilege. He is literally taking her life into his hands. He is accepting the most sacred and important thing she has to give. He is taking her burdens and bearing them as his own, always, every day.

A Dom is consistent. He understands that he cannot just be her protector, lover, confidant, master, etc. when he feels like it. There will be days when a Dom is tired. There will be days when he is stressed. There will be days when he is broken. On those days, it is more important than ever for a Dom to earn her submission. It is not a thing to be demanded, expected, or assumed. And he continues to earn it, day after day.

So what does it mean, then, to be a Dom? Some might say that it is all about making her kneel, having your way with her, shouting orders and using her. As I have said before, any asshole can buy himself a whip and bark commands. That is not a Dom. Make no mistake, a Dom does absolutely have his way with his submissive. He loves it when she kneels. He loves and thrives on the kinky, rough, mind-blowing sex they have. A Dom loves to dominate his submissive in the bedroom and elsewhere. But for every moment of that, there are a hundred moments of holding her, of talking to her, laughing with her, living life with her. There are a hundred moments of making her feel safe when she is afraid, giving her confidence when she is unsure, comforting her when she feels troubled, encouraging her in pursuits outside of her service to him. Those are all things that a Dominant does too.

These things do not make a Dom weak. They do not make a Dom less of a Dominant. There is nothing quite as formidable as a Dominant who has found the perfect submissive to fuel his fire. Never will you see anyone love so strongly or fight so fiercely as a Dom to show his submissive that he is still everything she needs him to be.

The improvement

4 Ways to Improve Dominance

Confidence; a Dominant should start here. Confidence is a crucial piece of the puzzle for a Dominant to be great. Reaching a point of comfortability is good, but could essentially mean nothing if one’s confidence in their ability isn’t present.

A submissive needs and desires control – a leader. If a Dominant hesitates or is unsure of Himself, His submissive will often sense this and even doubt Him. Ultimately, even unknowingly undermine His Superiority – His Dominance.

It’s important to be aware of this and as a Dominant, execute everything with conviction. If a Dominant is doing something they haven’t yet done, take the time to think about it, fantasize about it thoroughly, build oneself up before it’s execution so that there is clarity of the mind and process.

Understanding; every individual is different, which means, every Dominant is different. A submissive is groomed to adapt herself to a Dominant’s ways, needs, desires, and requirements. Having that said, a submissive may become accustomed to a certain way of doing things that may not be aligned with a new Dominant’s structure.

This is perfectly fine (provided she has the ability to adjust to the new). A Dominant must take the time to understand this as fact. A way to achieve this? Don’t have a preconceived notion, a Dominant should view every submissive as ‘new’ – new to Him.

Training, a period of consideration can often allow for a Dominant to take the necessary time He needs to evaluate a submissive and understand her current ways, align her to His and mold her to Him.

Explanation; one of the largest mistakes a Dominant can make is not explaining Himself. Assuming a submissive understands what He’s doing and what He’s requesting. This generally happens because, He may assume simply because they’re a submissive, they should know or that, because He’s a Dominant, He needs not explain Himself.

A submissive’s role is to follow, not lead. So no, a submissive generally doesn’t draw assumptions or conclusions. They’re groomed to being told, a Dominant needs to tell them – why.

I can think of few times where a submissive will feel more lost and confused than those in which she hasn’t a clue as to why things are happening the way they are and what lessons are supposed to be taken.

There are certainly times a Dominant won’t provide an immediate explanation as to why He has made certain choices or requests. Doing so can sometimes be good for teaching, training and more importantly, testing a submissive’s commitment to Him. However, when it’s all said and done, the power of explanation is integral to a submissive’s development and success.

tumblr_onbqkdZDW21uj0e36o1_1280

 

Aftercare; I almost can’t believe I have to include this as it should be priority one, but I do. Many have this large notion that sub-drop is this major event, so when it happens, they’ll see it happening. That’s probably due to the fact that if you were to look it up, it’s often described as this catastrophic event. No.

Sub-drop is often very subtle. A submissive releases many endorphins when sessions that include significant pressure upon her body occur. When it comes to an end, the body, the mind, and emotion, often don’t know what to do. It is in this state that a submissive can experience a significant sense of being alone, even… empty.

A common mistake a Dominant will make is assuming that because His submissive wants to, even enjoys feeling used or abused during a session that she’ll be okay. No. A submissive may enjoy feeling this way during play sessions, even outside of them as well. However, a human being has no control over the chemical composition and balance of their body – endorphins.

Clearly, I will never experience this. However, I imagine it comparable to an adrenaline dump. If a Dominant has ever been in a fight or in a car accident or any other significant event that produces high amounts of adrenaline, then they’ve certainly experienced the dump that follows. The feeling is sheer exhaustion, confusion… vulnerability.

Truly, a Dominant doesn’t need to do much to avoid this from happening to His submissive. There’s no need to pamper your submissive for hours on end and cater to her every need. Often, this can be prevented by simply laying with her, holding her, talking with her and providing a sense of comfort as she returns to ‘reality’. Not to mention, the display in appreciation a Dominant should carry for what she endures for Him.


Honestly, everyone is different, but if I was going to provide a short ‘blueprint’ for success, for one to start on their path to becoming a great Dominant and wanted to improve Dominance overall. This would be it.

My four very simple ways to improve Dominance, that one can implement almost immediately.

The love

There are many angles to a dominant submissive relationship.   Whether you are looking at a daddy dom relationship, a sub/dom relationship, or some variation like 50’s lifestyle relationships, they all rely on one factor, the responsibility to love and obey.    I was recently talking about this subject with a close friend ,  “The most basic meaning of love is to obey.”    Think about this for a minute and it is hard to argue, intact, I love to argue and I am not sure I can come up with a logical argument as to how this isn’t true.

To Love is to Obey, and this is where dominant and submissive relationships Excel
tumblr_ophv9cB6dM1vsryhio1_1280

Alternative relationships like daddy dom or traditional dominant relationships have a foundation in respect and the clearly defined responsibilities of obedience.   This is exactly why these relationships seem to last and excel.   While the mainstream puritan ideology of the States make it seem like these relationships are not ideal, all of the stable long term relationships that I know of have some defined level of responsibilities.   Most of them would be considered “alternative” and have a heightened element of “kink” to them.

Obedience is a two way street in relationships
tumblr_n2dpvouXKj1tp8c2ho1_500

Now as we look at failed relationships, of any kind, you will find that one or both parties in the relationship either do not have an agreement, or do not abide by there agreement.   This is where the term obey originates.  If you truly love someone, you will have clearly defined relationship that you agree with whole heartedly agree and abide by.    You will not violate their trust or your agreement in your relationship.    As soon as you give up, you disobey and by rule violate your love for your partner.

Alternative Relationships have this nailed!

In your typical Dom/sub relationship, you not only have clearly defined roles, the obedience is also built into the relationship as well.  When one of the partners fails to follow through with their agreements, or disobey they have clearly outlined punishments.   Often times these are alternative to natural consequences.  Meaning in a traditional relationship, the natural consequence of failed obedience is broken trust and passive aggressive dance involving charades and a lack of communication.  (not what good relationships are made of)   Where the natural consequences in a dominant submissive relationship will be the specifically agreed upon punishment and discussion.

To Obey is to Love
tumblr_oih4rzQ9lH1ul2nwyo1_500

The bottom line  is that to love is to obey.  Whether you choose to be a bottom, submissive or a little you chooses to obey your top, dominant or daddy.  You do so because you have the utmost love, AND they have shown that they also OBEY your wishes and showing true love for you in return.    This true love and obedience is why these relationships are strong, last forever and are the envy of all of your friends.

The punishment

There are different ways to punish unruly or misbehaving subs, when a Dominant should punish their sub and when they should be lenient.
Every BDSM relationship is different, so remember, this is my personal thoughts on punishments and offcourse it different greatly from couple to couple. culture, age, and personality all play into the way people see punishment. Below is a mixture of my view on punishment.
Punichment is where the real dynamic between the Owner and my sub come to play.
I never give punishment (usualy when im drunk) or when i feel my anger is raging inside of me….Punsihment shall be given when its do time.
Punishment is one of the most important parts of an Ownership.

1) Consequences Must Actually Be Discipline/Punishments

What I mean by that is that “funishments” do not, in fact, work; or rather, they do not have the intended effect of behavior change. The punishments should not be something that the person (or people) being punished would actually enjoy. Positive reinforcement can work, and I may get to that later– but that’s not our purpose, at the moment. If you suggest a punishment and the punishee enjoys it, then something is awry.

2) Consequences Must Be Related to the Misbehavior

If I tell you that it is wrong to hit, and show you that by hitting you, I am teaching you something different than what I’m saying. I’m saying “hitting doesn’t solve problems,” but then showing you that it– in fact– does. If, for example, the person you are punishing was told that they were to send you three outfit choices for you to pick between and they do not, a punishment of ignoring them doesn’t make sense. It’s not related to what they did directly. A punishment of a beating is not related, either. What is related, however, is anything regarding clothing and the timeliness of finishing tasks. Something along the lines of having to send the outfits (with photos) and then be forced to wear an overly revealing choice in public? That’s directly related and consequential. Furthermore, it allows the first task to still be completed.

3) Ensure You Are Consistent

jenniferfrance.com

You need to make sure that you consistently punish, and in similar ways (presuming those ways are effective and follow the other steps listed here). One time, you punish the sub; the other time, you do not. What are they truly learning? What they are learning is: “I may be able to push the boundaries here.” Remember, your action or inaction is teaching a lesson here. Only you can control who is in charge of that lesson. In other words, consistency is key because you should…

4) Use Actions; They Speak Louder

A speed limit sign says that the maximum speed before a penalty is 50 km/t. You know, however, from experience that you are unlikely to get a ticket until you’re going over 75 km/t . What is the actual law? It says 50, but those are just words– the ACTION (of when the consequence occurs) is what truly matters. Not only do you need to say you will punish (and how you will do that), but you need to actually do it. And consistently, as mentioned in number three.

tumblr_mu6dhioiij1rmrwgqo1_500

5) Remove Your Emotions From It

Discipline is about changing behavior (or behavior patterns). It is not about vengeance or a vendetta. It is not about being upset or hurt. Surely, you may be hurt when your submissive misbehaves and/or ignores your demands, but your punishment cannot come from that place. Your goal is their self-betterment, submission, and a change in their actions. Putting emotions into it leads to being more severe, showing less restraint, or having illogical/inconsistent punishments. None of these are good. Furthermore, the bratty subs out there will get a kick out of your emotional reaction and will seek it out. You do not want to give them that attention, here.

6) Make Your Messages Clear

No matter if you’re disciplining or merely telling your submissive what your desire is, how you phrase your message is vital.

Keep your focus on the behavior.

Allways see how your sub is reacting…..tears and excuses is no signal for stopping the punishment,

Be direct and specific.

Give Direct and clear orders.
Remember to use your voice in the right manner and volum, let the orders be so specific that your sub never can misunderstand them.

7) Give Choices

When provided with options, people are far less likely to rebel (even if they are a brat). The options needn’t necessarily be wonderful, even– they just need to exist and be communicated to the person who may be punished. For example, when you get options after getting a speeding ticket, you feel you have some degree of “control.” You are aware, then, that you may pay a fine directly or go to court to fight it. Neither of these are charming notions, but you have some flexibility and ownership over the punishment.

8) Make Your Choices Logical and Limited

Imagine that you have Netflix and that you don’t return a movie on time. If they instantly charged you for another rental, it would seem unfair, wouldn’t it? Of course. So why do we do this sort of thing to our subs? We need to provide choices and let them prove themselves as capable. What does Netflix actually do in this scenario? They give you a choice. Return your movie on time, or be unable to rent another one. There is also a final, hard-limit (punishment)– after a certain number of days, they charge you for the film.

So how do implement this? You restrict the number of choices to two or three. You make the submissive responsible for his or her behavior (asking “What will you choose?” puts the onus upon them and gives them ownership). Then, if they do not comply, you follow through with your consequence/punishment.

I will post a series of example punishments should I get enough interest in seeing such a list of logical/limited choices.

9) Avoid Unclear Statements

When you tell your submissive to stand in the corner until they are ready to do x, y, or z, this is a problem. Some submissives may be “ready” to do x, y, or z right away. Some may get irritated and choose to stay there infinitely longer than you had intended. Give time limits and time-frames. “You will stand there for thirty minutes. When you hear the timer go off, we can move on.” Also, never use the word, “Okay?” at the end of your consequence. What if it’s not okay to the sub– does that mean she can choose not to do it? Of course not.

10) Give a Clean Slate

When the punishment or consequence is finished, it’s finished. Don’t lord the misbehavior over your submissive. You wouldn’t want it done to you, so why would you do it to them? Many submissives feel horrendous enough when they misbehave (as they do not like to disappoint)– if the goal is behavioral correction, reminding them of their misdeed over and over again will only cause resentment or anxiety. That is not your job, as a Dom, and that is not the goal of discipline.

The spanking

When you hear “spanking”, you probably think of it in terms of punishment. Spankings can actually be more than that: punishment, funishment, and therapeutic. And while the act of spankings may be the same between punishment, funishment, and the therapeutic, they are actually quite different and give off a different atmosphere for the spankee.

When I as a DaddyDom gives a punishment spanking, you know for sure that it’s a punishment. There is no leeway or play to it. It’s not about making your bum red, but more about teaching a lesson and hoping that you won’t make the same mistake. I can say from experience, that my punishment spankings are hard, purposefull and firm.

I won’t go too much into a general punishment explanation because I’ll probably make another post to explain that. Punishment normally contains three parts to it: the lecture, the punishment, and the aftercare. Not everyone may engage in all three but I think each have importance. The punishment act without the lecture defeats the purpose because the sub won’t know what she did wrong. As a Daddy I allways explain to my girl what they did wrong and why it was wrong in my eyes. The punishment act, in this case spankings, should come after the lecture and should be to teach a lesson such as, “if  you do this, you will receive many spankings.” Remember to be strict but fair, that means that I calm down and think out the appropriate spanking amount based on the severity of the act. I  want to make a point but I do not want to come off as abusive or use fear as a tactic to make my girl obey. And lastly, the aftercare; I normally hear this after rough play sessions and how important it is and it’s not different during a punishment session. After my girl has been told what they did wrong and spanked, sometimes they could be shaken up from either the pain or feeling guilty. This is my time to explain to my girl that you love them but that what she did disappointed me. I should also remind them not to dwell on the issue and to let it go; the punishment was to make my girl realize what she did wrong, but now that it’s over, it’s time to let it go. Give Your sub cuddles and/or kisses. Let her know that everything’s okay now.

Funishment is different and it’s quit common  Depending how well my girl deals with pain, the amount and intensity varies; this is something that will be clearer over time. My funishment spankings are not strict, I don’t have to redo them if I don’t hit hard enough (but I will anyways)

“This supports recent research suggesting that spanking can be an effective tool in relieving anxiety and working with depression. This effect may be caused by the physical release of dopamine and endorphins into the system during and after a spanking.  These neurotransmitters stimulate the pleasure centers of our brains and can make my girl feel very happy and satisfied. “

With that being said, this certainly does not mean to spank my girl every time they’re stressed or upset about something. People deal with these things differently and sometime need time for themselves to destress. But the concept is like funishment but with aftercare.
In a way, it’s almost like letting my girl exchange the emotional pain for physical pain.

The real me

When it comes to Daddy Dom/little girl relationships, it takes two very unique and specific types of people to make the relationship work. It is not enough simply to be a dominant or a submissive, you need to be more than that to fulfill the roles of either a Daddy Dom or a little.

Im a Dominant:

Daddy Doms are dominant men, there is no mistaking that. Some ignorant people may mistake me for a weaker or lesser Dominant because of my nurturing and caring nature. THIS IS NOT TRUE! I am  just as much a Dominant as the man who shows his submissive or slave no mercy. How much of a Dominant you are is not measured in your ability to hurt, to ‘force’ your submissive or your mercilessness. It is also not measured in your selfishness, how much you whip your sub or how big you talk. How dominant you are is measured in your ability to effortlessly control your sub and command respect.

Being dominant by using brute physical force or mental and emotional abuse is not being dominant at all, it is being a BULLY and bullies can never measure up to the power of a True Dominant.

Im Nurturing, Kind, Caring…And Affectionate

An essential prerequisite as a Daddy Doms is a natural nurturing instinct, the desire to care for my little, bring her on in whatever she desires and gently mold her into the best little you believe she can be.  As a Daddy Dom I want to help my littles develop and grow in whatever area they need help with, whether it be furthering her career, learning new skills or becoming a better submissive.

I might be good, kind and gentle but that’s not to say that im not  strict. Aa a  Daddy Dom I rule over my submissive littles with an iron fist in a velvet glove, so to speak. I am as strict as any other type of Dominant but the way they go about enforcing their rules is often kinder and gentler. However, that’s not to say that a Daddy Dom is a pushover, beware the little that tries to manipulate or disobeys her Dominant because punishment will follow.

I  care deeply for my little, she is precious to me and I will do all he can for her. I care about my submissive’s well being, happiness and not only my own pleasure – unlike other Dominants who can be more focused on their own personal pleasure than what is in their sub’s best interest.

Im not afraid that showing affection for my little will somehow emasculate me and I understands that she needs to be loved and shown affection. Whether it’s hugs and cuddles in bed over cartoons on a weekend,reading a book togheter, giving her a bath, grooming her hair, telling her she did well or passionate embraces and hot kisses, littles need affection and lots of it and I understands this and gives it to her..

I am Understanding

I need to be understanding. Littles are often very complex and he needs to understand her through and through, her moods, desires, how she copes with the world and when/why she doesn’t. I need to understand why she fails when she does and how to help her, encourage her and mould her into his perfect little. Without a proper understanding of her, i will never be a good Daddy Dom.

Im Sadistic

Just because im are caring, gentle and affectionate does not mean that I cannot be a sadist who enjoys inflicting pain on my little. Spanking and whipping are a favourites for me . The bounding between me and my little is allso based on hard spanking and whipping.
Im caring and gives alot of love to my little, but never confuse that with that im weak, soft and not willing to rough you up hard !
I`ll Dicipline and punich my little for a reason, i`ll do with a purpose.
Beeing loving and sadistic is who i am, its the contrast that many Doms not fully understand, and this is accutaly the key in beeing a good DaddyDom.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑