The red flag

Sometimes stories beeing told to me from Fetlife in particular and also from Vanilla relationships makes me so upset ,angry and make me loose faith in many of the “Dom`s ” thats out there and even men in general.
I can understand that is difficult sorting out the sociopaths and psychopats, but still there is so many red flags that a submissive should see as evidence right from the start and maybe especially when you are looking for a Master/Dominant.
I know some of  the professional answers to this is beyond my expertise, but what I am trying to find out is :
Why is it so difficult for a submissive to see the red flags ?
Are there any sterotypes that might give you a “warning” ?
Are there other circumstances online and at Fetlife in particular?
Are there more “psychos” on Fetlife then other parts of the society?

Ok let`s start of to all you haters outthere:

But being a member on Fetlife for several years I have come to meet many submissive on this platform, and yes some of them I keep in touch with on a regular bases.
This blog are mine toughts and I share my toughts with you.

I will be the first to admit that mistakes are made and I have made some mistakes.
But mistakes is not what the question is here really.

I do really care,because I know first hand how extremely beatuiful the world of BDSM are.
I do care, beacuse I want as many as possible to realy understand the Magic of BDSM
I do care, beacuse some of the stories I have been told from submissives makes me profoundly sad.

Ok, now haters and the rest of you let me begin!

Why is it so difficult for a submissive to see the red flags ?
I will state it is`nt, but if you don`t know the flag, how can you see it ?
Let me give you some excamples of red flags:

* Married or in a relationship
BDSM is about trust, how the fuck can you trust somebody who in the start of Your relationship openly admits he is a lier ?!?!
But you don`t understand they say  : I am a Dominant , but my wife is not into that kind of relationship.
Hey Wake up ! If you are a Domiant as you say, why the hell are you not yourself With the person who is supposed to be closest to you ?!

* The Domiant who is having a hurry
This is a obvious sign that there is to much to hide.
The more impatience a guy is , the more they hide.
They are impatience for a reason, they don`t want you to figure out who they realy are.
Impatience People are also as I Call them : the Peacocks.
They say the right thing, they show all of there good sides, they brag of how they are, they try to impress, they show off.
But let me tell you something : A Lion never have to tell he is a Lion !

* The Meeting at a hotelroom
Why the fuck should you ever want to meet anybody for the first time at a hotelroom?
I`tell you why, because there is something to hide.
Maybe he lives in a Box, maybe he is not living in Your town, or maybe there is somebody at his home wondering where he is.
Say you went on a first date in the Vanilla world , would you EVER meet up at a hotelroom??!?! NEVER !

* Im not on social media
Yeah right !
Everybody has a digital trace in 2020 ( LinkedIn, Twitter, Google search, Facebook,Phonebook, Etc)
If the guy is the man of Your dreams, I give you a tips to start of chatting on messenger.
Maybe also over time befriend him, there are alot of answers on Facebook and other social Media on who you`re dealing with.

* It is fucking ONLINE !
I could say online that im a nobelprice winner, a pilot and have found a Cure for cancer online, yes it might be detected , but I can state whatever I choose. ( thats the beauty of internet)
How easy is`nt to say: I am a Dominant, or fuck that IM BORN DOMINANT.
A) Nobody is born into knowhow
B) Its a walk in the park to state something we are or in the Worst case hope we are online.

* Play on first date
I could Write a book on the topic why you never should play on the first date.
I can as a Dominant garantee to all of you submissives , it dosen`t do it for us ither.
Play in BDSM can actually be Dangerous, and how the fuck to you know the intensions of a guy With a flogger or cane in his hand on the first date ?!?!

* I want to Control you
Contol and telling another person what to do is extremly easy, BDSM is never easy.
The eagerness to control another person is a sure sign on low self-confidece.( don`t belive me, try Google)
Telling others what to do or worse yelling out what a onther person should do ( a sign of a toxic relationship, try Google yet again)
This is not a trait what so ever on a Domiant, the funny part is: It is acutally the opposite.
A Bully or a Asshole, is still a asshole even if he calls himself Dominant.

* Don`t tell Your Vanilla friends about Our relationship
“They don`t understand the BDSM world he say.”
That is 100 % wrong ! Your friends and Family they know you.
And in the most cases With friends in particular hopefully also Your Family:
They want the best for you.
And the best for you is a big enemy for a psychopath.
Tell Your friends, leave out the details (sex and sessions) but do tell.

* Only I know whats best for you
Oh Yeah, how the fuck do you know whats best for anybody you dont know?
I leave that question open for you to figur out on Your own.

* There is only true love in BDSM
This is so wrong, there are love everywhere and love is more then just BDSM, tho a healty BDSM realionship is a pure form of love. But I quess I could say the same on a healty Vanilla relationship.

This was a 10 examples of red flag on Fetlife and in the start of a BDSM relationships, Hell I could give you some more, I hope that the Next time you see one or many of these flags apear that you might just stop for a minute and think : OMG IS THIS A RED FLAG !
Because when you expirience there is no red flag at all – My God BDSM realtionships are Great !


2 thoughts on “The red flag

Add yours

  1. Too much noise very valid points yes, however, the dynamics are always bound by many many moments in some areas years, yes marriages we would hope, never judge another, ever we learn slowly and our minds are uniquely wired independently.

    Cheating well personally I don’t however, I can and if unhappy I would but, that isn’t in my present marriage nor any relationships I have had. Anyway, one night stands and anyone saying yes to any of this life style is not on!!!

    DS relationship is made from many great and healthy long years to gain a healthy couple in this lifestyle.

    Respect is commanded , however, this all depends on the couple!


  2. As a submissive myself I believe extremely strongly that anyone entering this play ground better take it seriously. I myself am a survivor I believe in there is so many areas of self realise in selecting the right dom or dorms whichever, this depends on many things which is personal however, I do know many things about myself and how important it is to my fellow sisters that most are also survivors and I f any male that thinks they can pick up a random or thinks it’s built on quick sand then I’d kick hiscsorry disrespectful ass out of this sand box myself.

    Beautiful therapy could be made by strict guidance of how important it is for both dom and sub that a unity like this is cemented with solid, respectful, honest and love because a lot lands on the male his presents must be rock solid because his role is to protect his partner from harm…. suicidal tendencies is paramount in this kink and lifestyle for exactly what I said! I am 51 and I am very aware of how important communication is between the couple!… so make sure please that your sure of what you want if you are not… then see that door… No one has that right to if they do not understand that 1st vital, important part….

    Liked by 1 person

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