I am just in the beginning of my journey into a bdsm relationship. To me, a bdsm relationship is something completely different from what I am used to. Before this relationship , I’ve only been in vanilla relationships. The biggest difference to me, is the honesty and openness and the respect of each other. There is no need to keep anything secret from the past, thoughts etc. This is a part of the relationships foundation, and is an important part of building The trust In each other, wich i think is essensielt to be In this kind of relationship. With that being said, to be totally honest about my inner thoughts, is a challenge, at least IT is for me. I’ve never shared all of me with anyone. With sharing all of me, I, at The same time, make myself vulnerable to getting hurt. The more you share about yourself, the more important becomes to trust. I need to trust my Dominant to not USE this information in a bad way. One thing I’ve come to experience on this journey (our relationship) is that along with The trust getting Stronger between me and my Dominant , I unconsciously have given my Dominant the power to control how I feel emotionally. The things he says or does In HIS interacting/communication with me will/can have an direct impact on me and my feelings. This is an enormous responsibility to carry. The responsibility of another person’s wellbeeing. For my Dominant to be able to USE this power for my and HIS benefit, IT is Crucial that I am open and honest about my thoughts and feelings In all aspects of my life. If Im not, IT’S impossible for him to make the right choices regarding whats consurens me and my wellbeing. This is an ongoing process, and we are only at the beginning of our relationship and journey. We have had our differences, but we have worked IT out with talking and listen to each other.
I’m a person who In all my life, have been afraid of conflicts. I hate it, and actually still do hate it, and therefore I often don’t speak my opinion if I feel IT can cause trouble or bad feelings to anyone. This may been in situations where it would have been alright to speak, and In situations where it would have been a good choice to stay quiet. For the most of the time, this have been a good tactic to avoid conflict or not work out importante issues. I’m a big fan of hiding things under the carpet and trying to forget it all.. I wrote before that i’ve never shared all of me with anyone, and this have something to with that. One thing my Dominant gives me, is The feeling of safety. Besides that he azarues/shows me he is always there, he makes a safe environment for me to speak my mind. And somehow, from almost the moment we met, he have had The ability to SEE right through my abtent to avoid speaking my mind. Because of this, I’m forced to tell The hole truth and all my opinions, and say exactly what’s on my mind. This not only improve my communication skills, but Also my ability to take responsibility of my own well being by communicating things that’s important to me.
From my point of view, The bdsm-circle it’s about give something and by giving, you get something In return. In my experience, this circle grows stronger everyday. By me giving my Dominant my submission, I In return get protection, safety, guidance and a partner to share my life with. The more I give, The more I get, and for me, as a first timer in a bdsm-relationship, it is sometimes a difficult process. One thing is all the obvious things, like choices in everyday life, or do the things he ask me when we’re together. The hardest part for me is to give him all my thoughts. There’s so much deepness in my thoughts that’s spinning around In my head and it has an impact on what/how I say or do things. I believe this will be easier during our time together and also as the level of trust keep growing.
To keep the circle glowing and developing , it’s importante, I think, to keep working on the things that is difficult, when you want to achieve a common goal.
And this keeps us both heading forward, this is the core of the circle we together have created.
Submission is a gift, and a part of this gift is my thoughts, and sometimes it is hard for me to consider all of my thoughts as a gift, but with TPE, (that’s probably not even my decision to make 🙂 )
one time, a friend of mine said: don’t think about thoughts that’s not worth thinking.
There is a lot of truth in such a “easy” way of thinking.
It takes a lot of work to maintain a good relationship and the circle flowing and glowing, but im sure It will be worth it In at the end of the day.
Our relationship gives me the opportunity to give all of my thoughts away, all of me away and be completely open, honest and transparent to my Dominant
This is the core of the gift of a submissive, and I know this will not only make me stronger, but it is a damn good reason to keep on maintaining our relationship and maintaining the gift of submission I can give my Dominant.
Just saying 😉
Love His submissive !