Its not easy telling anybody about the Do`s and the Dont`s !
But as this is my blog i will give it a try regarding subspace.
Subspace is a beautiful end of the rainbow of BDSM booth me as a Dominant and my submissive should encounter together.
Submissives should also learn the activities and things that induce them to enter subspace. Also practicing on ways to exist subspace can help a submissive as well. The more you know about your responses to subspace the better off you will be as a submissive.
DON’T: Ignore the way the submissive is acting
While some Dominants like to see their submissives in this space, I also need to make sure you note when this state occurs. Since this is a state in which the submissive may not be as able to make decisions, I as a Dominant will need to oversee the safety measures in place.
DO: Be careful with the submissive
As the submissive drops into subspace, I as a Dominant will need to be more careful in all the things that happen during a scene. This might mean not doing all the planned activities or even stopping the scene early to make sure the submissive is safe.
DON’T: Try harder punishments or positions
This is NOT a time to see just how far the submissive can go, even if they say that’s what they want to do. Some submissives might have an agreement ahead of time to try this out, but it can be risky for all levels of BDSM participants. Instead, try to continue the energy of the scene at a slower pace and perhaps use punishments or positions that are easier for the submissive.
DO: Check in with the submissive often
The trick with checking in with your submissive is that they might not be able to tell you what they’re feeling or what they want. Still, it’s a good idea to check in to see if they do respond to you and to make sure they’re safe.
DON’T: Leave them alone in their altered state
Since they might not be able to speak up or let you know if something is wrong, ideally, I never leave her alone until they are ‘back’ from their altered state.
All safety equipment should be in the same room you are playing in. A cell phone for emergencies, a glass/bottle of water, some fruit and a warm blanket to help revive a submissive after an intense subspace are a good idea to have in the room as well. This should limit your need to have to leave the room.
If I must leave the room, make sure the submissive is untied, and laying down comfortably in a place is safe and secure.
DO: Realize the submissive might not use their safeword
Though you might be counting on your submissive to use their safeword when things get intense, they might not remember to use it. This is another reason why playing things safer once a submissive is in subspace is a good idea.
DON’T: Bypass agreements you made previously
No matter what happens in a scene and what you think a submissive might be able to take in this altered state, it’s better to stick to all your agreements.
In subspace a submissive’s inhibitions drop and their ability to handle more pain can increase. Many a submissive have become braver and begged to have me as a Dominant cross per-negotiated limits. Activities that have been completely off limits before for a submissive can seem surprisingly desirable.
It is my responsibillity to always protect my submissive
This should and must be rule number one for any Dominant.
Any activity or limit that is crossed during play can have serious physical and emotional consequences once the submissive comes out of subspace.
DO: Watch the skin of the submissive
Another thing to keep in mind when my submissive is in an altered state is their skin. You can look at their skin after a punishment or a bondage technique to see what the skin condition is. Check this again and again since the submissive might not be able to feel what is happening.
If the skin seems too red or it’s broken, stop whatever you are doing and tend to this injury.
DON’T: Try to see how hard you can hit them
Again, this is not a time to see just how much pain a submissive can take. They might be able to make it through a tough scene, but their body might be significantly injured in the process.
DO: Know that the submissive can’t make rational decisions
While your submissive might seem to be aware, at times, of what is happening in the scene, remember that they may not be able to weigh the consequences of their decisions. Assume they are unable to make the best decisions, and watch out for their safety and well-being.
DON’T: Assume the submissive is cognizant
Even if the submissive seems to be confident in their ability to take pain, I should not assume they understand what they are saying. This is especially the case with a new submissive. Over the course of a relationship,I might be better able to understand when my submissive is being rationale vs. when they are not.
DO: Remember there are multiple types of subspace (physical and psychological)
A submissive can often be put into subspace by physical and psychological methods, for example:
- Intense punishments for physically induced subspace
- Humiliation could induce subspace psychologically in a submissive
Knowing what triggers the subspace in my submissive will help me to know when to interact with her in different ways.
DON’T: Forget that my submissive may not experience subspace the same way others do
Of course, every submissive is different, so I have to need to stay in communication with my submissive about how they feel and what they need.
DO: Practice aftercare
Make sure your submissive has time to come back to reality after being in subspace. They might need food or water or just someone to be around them until they feel they are back in their body. Aftercare after subspace is required. Leaving a submissive to recover from subspace by them self can lead to a hard subdrop.
Tending to a sub’s recovery is part of a my Dominant’s duties. Proper water, food, comfort, support and rest are all needed after such a physically and psychologically intense journey.
DON’T: Walk immediately away from the submissive
It is not a good idea to just walk away from the sub, as this might leave them disoriented and unable to figure out how to cope with her emotional and physical state.
DO: Remember the ‘drop’
Sometimes a submissive can experience a drop after being in an intense subspace. Remember that this can happen even days after a scene, so I will want to be available to talk them through it. Being available to provide more aftercare if a drop does happen days after is even better.
RememberI as a Dominant is meant to take care of my submissive, not just use them when it is convenient to me and then toss the submissive aside. As a good Dominant I should be available to their submissive in times of need and subdrop is a time of need.
DON’T: Believe the submissive will be fine
My submissive may need my help managing subspace, and as the Dominant, that’s me job too.