The story

I was, for a long time, in a loving and intimate Daddy/lg relationship with a woman who identified as a my little. For me, the best thing about it was that she was only ever at her happiest when she was with me. I could bring that out in her and I know it is because of the implicit trust she placed in my hands. I placed that trust back and for many years it worked well. We parted ways due to work, I received a promotion and was offered a new position in another part of the country.
As an unattached Daddy, it can be difficult to have my desires met, so I have taken my time offcourse datet / meet some submissives and slaves and also littles, but the real me cant be hold back.
The core of beeing a Daddy is what defines me as a Man.
I work within a series of rewards, rules, disciplines, and consequences with the mind set of my girl considered.
I am a protector and will keep their my girl out of trouble.  I am a provider and provide the oversight of my girl.
I like to see my girl devlop and grow more into her role as my girl, Im not a Daddy for play.
I Penelize for a reasson and always for my girl to understand why she is beeing penelized.
I do belive rules and structure is important in my life as a Daddy but essential for my girl, therefor I have rules and structure not for my pleasure , but I know my girl need those rules and structure to feel loved and safe.

In my future Little, I am hoping to find someone who has experienced this dynamic before, or at least had a mentor or protector who will have explained the majority of the lifestyle to her. As each relationship is different I will create our own dynamic, and she will most definitely have a say because a good Daddy is always available and have time to listen to my girl.
I want her to be a woman in mind but a Little in heart, someone who knows what she wants, but is able to place her life in my hands for the true experience of being my girl.
I want a Little Girl who is truly Little, I am not one for Middles or Brats. I want a Little who will play with toys and like watching Disney Movies With her Daddy.
I want a girl who see the enjoyment of beeing read to, and loves cuddeling With her Daddy.
I want my girl to be needy in a good way, a girl who lives for the attention I as a Daddy gives her.
I want my girl to always do her best to be a good girl and make her Daddy proud.
I could continue With my wishes all day long, but the most important I need is the relationship beyond play, the real deep connection between my girl and her Daddy.

To me, this entire dynamic is built on a foundation of absolute trust, honesty and love. Obviously love grows, but the trust and honesty needs to be there from the first point of contact. I have had a few BDSM relationships, from Owner-submissive to Master-Slave, but DaddyDom-LittleGirl is by far the one that I most connect with, the one in which I feel best and the one that I know makes my partner feel most cared for.

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The ten commandments as a Daddy

1.Daddy knows best. His word is law. When Daddy says jump, you say “How high, Daddy?” If you disobey his commands, you will be punished as he sees fit.

2.Daddy wants his little to be happy. If you have questions or concerns about anything, you will discuss them with Daddy. If, for any reason, you really cannot obey Daddy’s commands, Daddy will help you to manage.

3.Daddy wants his little to look pretty. This means that you should be clean, well-groomed, and prettily-dressed at all times. You will describe your outfit for the day for Daddy’s approval. My little is my treasure and princess.

4.Daddy owns your body. In particular, I treasures you,  You will keep Daddys pussy clean and shaved or waxed for him at all times. When Daddy commands you to play with it, you will do so. If you are not able to do so immediately, you will do so at the first opportunity.

5.Daddy owns your orgasms. You are permitted to masturbate to orgasm once a day for your health. If you wish to achieve orgasm more than once on any day, you will ask Daddy’s permission first. When playing with Daddy, you will not cum without his explicit permission, whether or not you have had your orgasm for that day.

6.You will go to bed early enough for you to get at least 7 hours of sleep every night. If you are having trouble sleeping, you will call Daddy immediately.
Daddy wants his little to be fit and have a good night sleep.

7. Daddy will give you a weekly alIowance, evry saturday Daddy will give his little hers allowance to by some candy or maybe som icecream.You can spend the allowance just as you like because Daddy wants to see his little happy and content.

8. My little will have rules, rules are made for my littles own protection and growth.
if my little disobey any of these rules, you will inform Daddy at the first opportunity. Daddy will punish you as he sees fit.

9.From time to time, Daddy will set you tasks. You may negotiate these tasks with Daddy at the time they are set and raise any concerns. However, if you fail to complete a task in a timely fashion once it has been negotiated, you will be punished unless you failed to complete it due to unexpected circumstances beyond your control. If you feel that you will be unable to complete a task for any reason, you will inform Daddy as soon as you are able.

10. Being a Daddy is the greatest thing ever and it should be a lot of fun, giggels , laughter and I as a Daddy is allways my littles safe haven.
As my little you will allways be a priorty and there is no relationship stronger then between a Daddy and his little.

 

The Growth

I have been reading over 100s of  personal growth books in my life.Focusing on self-improvement has presented many opportunities in my life—and learning and knowledge allways is a winning formula.
But from reading and getting the knowledge you have to put the new knowledge in  order for things to change in your life, in order to get where you want to be, you have to grow into the person who is ready for that change. Personal development is vital to your success on a personal Level , but surely allso as a Domiant.
I have blogged alot about development in BDSM and now , my blog  is about the growth.

I am a believer that we need to grow to move forward. BDSM is all about growth.
The growth I as a Dominant and my submissive together achive.
We enter this way of life knowing little yet learn and expand as we go along. The journey typically starts with our kinks (which most likely will expand over time) before extending with the realization that BDSM offers the opportunity to live life at a higher level. What I mean by this is that true BDSM people will hold themselves to a higher standard than the rest of society ( I think). This only makes sense when you realize the depth and risk associated with true power exchange. A person who takes this from another needs to be responsible with that power. It is something that the average person does not have to deal with in his relationship. Here I as a  Dominant is fully in charge and needs to direct things. I cannot absolve myself of the leadership position.

To cover some of the basic areas that growth is required, I will start with mental. Under mental, I am referring to knowledge. What is I as a Dominant doing to expand my knowledge base in all areas? Am I sitting around watching television all day long or does I at least pick up a book once in a while? Does I visit different websites to learn about different things? Are there hobbies I engages upon which expand my knowledge base and skills? Am I  studying for something that will improve my future, and through that, also improve my submissives future? And finally, doesI make it this way of life and his Domination a personal study? Too many seem to think, as I mentioned earlier in my blog that someone is born Dominant and, that having the quality of domination is enough. Few realize that to truly Dominant, one needs to make it a lifelong study.
I read somewhere that the blind never can lead the deaf…and this is so true if a Dominant never spend any time in expanding the knowledge, I think it is only Wannabe Dominants who lean to fact that they are born Dominant and therefor have the skill to lead a submissive.
This is not true, this is actually “Dangerous” for a submissive to lean towards , because it is all a house of cards.

With no knowledge, you can never lead ! 

Another area where growth is required is in regard to ones skills. Focusing upon BDSM solely, for a moment, I will state that any Dominant who is not expanding his abilities is going to lose those the submissive that are under his control. A submissive need to grow also and that comes, in part, by his ability to push her further. Naturally, I need to have the ability in a particular area before I can push her. Sadly, I belive a great many BDSM relationship end simply because the submissive outgrew the Dominant. The submissive progressed while he sat back and felt it his place to be waited upon. He deferred to her on all the effort while giving none himself. Well, I have news for you, this is not a choice. As a  Dominant, it is my responsibility to expand and grow because my submissive is (or will) be dependent upon that. Again, this is not a choice.
In many ways in a BDSM realtionship I as a Dominant is in charge allso for my submissive to grow, and never stop her from getting information seeking verious sites and reading blogs.
Because I am a beliver that growth is constant and a good BDSM relationship and a real Dominant spend alot of time growing and expanding this will lead to my submissive will devlop on the same path as mine.

The Keys

Everyone in the lifestyle does things differently.
I respect what ever that makes you happy in any relationship.
But the BDSM relationship is just a little bit more of the extras.
As a Dominant I need a lot of differnt keys to make a D/s relationship work.
Let me give you some keys that I feel is important.
Responsibility — I bear the responsibility in almost every aspect of the relationship. Why? Because I am in control of it. When it comes down to it, I am the one who is ultimately responsible for what happens to my submissive, my house, my job, myself — anything that is under my control including my actions and reactions.

Example: Your submissive is acting up. Is she responsible? Yes, but ultimately the reason why she is acting up is my responsibility. Maybe I have not being consistent enough and it is throwing her out of balance. Maybe the relationship needs maintenance. Most submissive do not want to act up. Most submissive are not even aware they are, but most submissive do act up because the world I created for her was thrown out of balance this is just one example of making me ultimately responsible for her behavior.

Maintenance — is crucial in any relationship, but in a BDSM relationships – it is vital. It’s no different than never changing the oil in your car and expect your car to drive forever. There are little tweaks and adjustments that need to happen over time to keep the car running. The same thing can be held true in a lifestyle relationship. But what is maintenance? It could be just the basics: take her for a date, do something new and excating together, find new ways to bound, find new ways to play and make her Connect even stronger to me a her Dominant. It is about taking control of the relationship and making sure all of the needs and support is met. not by Words , but actually doing the maintenance.

Follow Up — A product can only be as good as the person putting it together. This is a old saying , but clearly applies here because I am ultimately responsible if a submissive or  does not perform correctly. Instead of beating her ass, making her feel like she can’t do anything right why not show her what she is done wrong, show her what she’s supposed to do, and then follow-up with what happened? That is administering positive discipline. It’s positive because it positive reinforces how I want my submissive to act, respond, and behave — yet it fosters the strong structure and foundation that is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship.

This is just a few examples of keys that I mean is important keys to hold.
But there is no need for any keys if there isn`t a door and a lock, because locks need keys. There is no need to beat a door when you have a key that works on the door.
There is no point of getting upset when the door doesn’t open; there is no need to break down the door because it wouldn’t open. It is not the door’s fault. It is not the lock’s fault. And sometimes, it is not even the key’s fault. But if a key doesn’t work then we need to try a different key to open the door on our submissives.
Banging the door, breaking it in half, ripping it from the doorframe only serves to scare the submissive. My response to the door makes them question their approach, question what they are doing, making a seemingly stable environment — become unstable. I have my keys,  I respect them,  I know them, and I am cognizant when they fail, when they are in need of repair, or when they work well. Breaking a key inside of a lock causes more grief and exasperation.
And the beauty of it all:

I hold the keys to the success or failure of my relationship

 

 

 

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The Expectations

I have responsibilities and I also seek responsibilities
I have the responsibility to develop , learn and understand my submissive.
I have the responsibility to be strong and independent. I have the responsibility to be wise and patient, and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and my submissive.

I have to accept accountability for whatever happens with my submissive.
I have the responsibility to take responsibility (and accountability) for both our actions, and my submissives’ actions.
Well, submissive responsibilities exist too. (No, not “suck my dick daily” kinds of responsibilities).Responsibilities in submission are supposed to include communication with me as a Dominant. Having patience with the relationship. Working to build trust with me. And having realistic expectations of the relationship, while understanding the meaning of discretion when things need work. You know…all the stuff below?

Remember Patience
Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace, and grace is importent.
When you start dating someone – you don’t ask them to marry you the first week out. Nor the first month, or (hopefully) the first year. So why are you in a rush to be “collared” immediately? Why is there this pressure to invent a myriad variety of “collars” to validate every single status change in the relationship? Date. Hang out. Talk.
Communicate on fantasies and find the common  fetishes and kinks.
It takes time before a Dominant becomes YOUR Master. It takes time for me to learn your way, It takes experience to recognize your body language, it takes time to understand how my submissive is thinking.

Have Realistic Expectations
You aren’t perfect? Well, neither am I. I seek to learn every day. I am constantly working on those imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading.
It takes a lot of work to build a relationship – and that relationship has to be built from both ends. I understand that you are giving a lot when you surrender your body, soul and mind to me as a Dominant , I respect off course this highly.
BDSM is beautiful , some of the Pictures and the stories are just Perfect……..But this is not everyday life.
A BDSM relationship in the Movies or books are fiction.
An fantasies of a Superman/Batman Dominant are also fiction, a true Dominant has strenghts and weeknesses.

Consistency
I do the best I can to enforce the rules and follow thru consistently.
There’s something to be said for a sub who is the same Level in her level of devotion, her level of commitment, and her level of caring. I motivate, I train, and I guide. But if you’re giving us a different persona and a different level of submission every other day… will make the relationship very hard, and will be hard for me as a Dominant also to be conscientious.
Off course there is no such thing as a calm seas at all times in any relationships, but thats something totally differnt then consistently.

Trust
A
ctual trust, not “earn it or else” trust
Nobody trust  immediately from word one. That would be insane.
You’ve heard the old adage “trust takes time”? Well, trust also takes effort. And communication , from both parties. Trust is always a two way street.
As a Dominant I cherish trust, but trust is always about giving and reciving.
Trust is never a Dominant only responsibility, my submissive has to win my trust.

Sanity
This is a no brainer. But unfortunately, it rarely gets spoken of in our lifestyle.
We all have our issues and I can give much to my submissive but im not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I respect that we all can have expirences in Our lives that can be hard to cope With and life is brutally hard sometimes. Entering deeply emotional and effort-related relationships demands that both parties are open and honest about who we are, where we stand and whats Our story.

Stop Recycling the Past
Expirience Counts, and hell ya its the defeats and how we turned defeat to expirience that makes us who we are.
But that said…this is us, starting fresh.This is a new relationship and maybe you as a submissive is New to the BDSM relationship.
I have met a lot of submissives over time, each one of them have taught me a lesson.
But im not in a search to copy my past, I want to create the New beginning, this should off course be the same for my submissive.

Honest Effort and Understanding
You might want us to know how hard submission is? Well, I want you to know how hard Domination is.I say there is a deep dimensions in the emotional and psychological impact.
For both me and my submissive, this could be hard and tough at times…..
I demand therfor a honest effort and understanding for the responsibillity I cary.
As like I respect my submissives effort in learing and developing.

Communication
Domination AND submission. Master AND slave. Top AND bottom. You AND me, Please note the “and”  It means that just as much as you expect me as a  Dominant to communicate with you about your training and performance…I expect the same of you.
This is what I Call the circle of BDSM realationship.
If you can’t communicate to me as a Domiant this would be like the blind leading the deaf.
I have a lot of skills, but since im not Batman or Superman, I do not have the gift to read Your toughts…
The better you as a submissive communicate, the better Dominant I will be.

The Start

All good things have a start.
This is NOT a blog about the “born” Dominants or the naturaly  submissives.
As I have blogged about before, I am a beliver that a Dominant is beeing Dominant thru his expiriences, his life choises, his  morality and ethics , and his ability to learn and develop to mention a few things….And yes there are a some Genetic in play….
I dare to say that this also will be the same for a submissive.
The commen introduction to the BDSM world are after the breakup of a long term relationship, a divorce or when you have reached a certain age and dose of life experience.  Regardless of the actual trigger some things seem to remain fairly consistent in a majority of the newcomer’s experiences.

Emergence is the emerging from vanilla into the BDSM lifestyle, something like emerging from a cocoon. This is a process that takes years. It has been my experience that there are several phases that seem to be consistent during this emerging process. At the onset many people are uncertain ‘where’ they might fall in this new world and they may have conflicting fantasies which in essence tell them merely that ‘things’ in this lifestyle seem to address images, fantasies, thoughts, hopes and dreams which have lingered just below the surface of the individual’s life sometimes for many, many years. Too often the individual jumps at what they think they might be. Choosing this role helps them fit it. They find they can learn the lingo, talk the talk fairly quickly and be accepted.

There are several problems with an introduction into the BDSM world in this way. One of the most significant is the case of the new telling the new what to do. This is the blind leading the blind.. There are those who are not BDSM at all but what the community call vanilla kink, these tend to be people looking for quick, easy, cheap sexual contacts and affairs with that ‘edge’ of kinky that they cannot find in their vanilla life. There are those seeking to prey upon the new and innocent by promoting themselves as something they are not. These can be sociopaths who enjoy injuring and even ruining people. Then we have people who are real life BDSM who also enjoy making friends and contacts on the Fetlife or other portals on the web for it is truly an excellent resource and way to connect. For an emergent or newcomer D/s person this might becomes a very dangerous and tangled web.

Sorting out what is real from what is false is never easy.
People have raced to stick ‘labels’ on people in order to classify them. This is just as flawed as the newcomer leaping to ‘become’ something before they have any real comprehension of what that is. An emergent Dominant may after a while just be the everyday asshole who are using a tittel on Fetlife to use women.
I say that there is a problem on Fetlife, that People themself put the labels on who they are. ( yes I know I am stepping on some toes)

The individual should consider the process one of evolution and change. 

 

Let me give a inside tips to the New Dominant:
In a new Dominant you may see this panorama of opportunity. Willing submissives everywhere. but when the party is over the real life begins then you will learn that ‘managing’ a submissive is quite difficult.  Therefore it is so crusial to take active steps to educate themselves in the real life BDSM world prior to assuming a Dominant role and engaging the attentions of one or more submissives.I do belive the things can be said for many submissives though in general I find that more submissives actively educate themselves than Dominants. At least in the beginning.

It becomes especially dangerous when the submissive creates fabrications of safety based on ‘how wonderful’ this  Dominant is or the want to copy there dreams or fantasies of what a BDSM relationship really is all about. Many feel it is unseemly to question someone too closely and can even feel that such questioning may appear to be a lack of trust.

This is a journey for a Dominants and also of course for the submissives.
The Journey is a inner self is a process that takes alot of time, both Individualitie and when I as a Dominant and submissive starts a common journey.
Time is so essential both to learn Your inner self, and also spend time to learn about Your partner, more then just Learning the kinks and Beyond the whips and Chains.
I always say:
Things around us that was built for over 100 of years ago have at least one thing in common.
It took time to build.

 

 

 

 

The Commitment

Commitment- one of the strongest word`s I can think of.
Commitment is a two way street and true commitment has the Power to strengthen both me as a Dominant and my submissive.
T
his is exactly what is established from the beginning by many in the Master/slave, Dominant/submissive lifestyle. I am talking about a 24/7 relationship of course, one which is beyond role playing, beyond the occasional, maybe once-a-week BDSM activity. Living the day in and day out of this lifestyle define who we are and who I am as a Dominant, But the fundation of a Bdsm relationships often begins with the same commitment ideals as a vanilla realationship, but I as a Dominant want something more, something deeper, something called commitment.

I Always says that there of course can be a lot of love also in a  good Vanilla relationship, but a healty BDSM relationship takses both the the love and The commitment to another Level.
And while there certainly are those in the BDSM lifestyle that enjoy play for physical gratification only, there are many more who prefer a bonded, fulfilling, and committed relationship, just as many vanilla married couples do. In fact, some research shows that break ups are less frequent in power exchange relationships than in vanilla, married couples.

So where does the difference between relationships in each lifestyle lay? I believe it is in the fact that honesty self-expression, and forthrightness are generally valued in serious BDSM relationships. This is not to say everyone in this lifestyle feels this way, as we well know there are exceptions to every rule, but in my own expirience I have found that a majority of partners in a power exchange relationship value this ideology in their relationship. For many, this begins on day one.

It is common for these relationships to begin with a negotiation where each partner is able to establish their needs, limitations, and obligations for one another, resulting in a set of rules and protocol.  Rules are discussed and compromised upon, with each party openly discussing what they want and need out of their relationship. Great care is taken in the construction of each provision because I am true to myself and this part of the relationship is very important, because this start will be a set up for the commitment that makes this lifestyle so much more then just having a partner, lover or spouse.

This acknowledgement of fluidity empowers each  of the partner to regularly speak up for themselves and make changes to the relationship as needed, up to or including the end of the relationship if that is what is best. These relationships are not failures, because each partner fulfilled their commitment to one another, and ensured that the people in the relationship remain more important than the relationship itself.
The great leaning of BDSM, I am the Dominant I am because of my life expiriences, my submissive is the girl she is because of her life expiriences.
Even the failed relationships will learn you more about commitment, a strange paradox I have to say.

And while sexuality is certainly an element in mine BDSM relationships,But a common commitment  can also note that the strength all the aspects of the relationship like : a sense of stability which I believe comes from those set and established rules created in the start of the relationship. Master/Dom and slave/submissive both have a clear understanding of the expectations, desires, demands, and requirements for one another.
This Clear settings have I expirienced will clearify the commitment.

The driving force for a successful relationship ( Vanilla or BDSM ), of course, is the people themselves, and while there are certainly exceptions, my experiences  in the lifestyle lead me to believe that BDSM relationships tend to be more stable, more adaptable, and longer lasting than those in the general population, due in no small part to these principles, approaches, attitudes, clearity and of course The Commitment !

 

The man I am and the things I know

  • I love and care for my submissive . Submission is a gift freely given and as a caring dominant leadership is the loving return of that gift.
  • I must first win a submissives heart by earning her trust through honor, truthfulness, trustworthiness and respect.
  • I respect the power that’s earned and given within their consensual Power Exchange.
  • I always seek to be in control of myself first before they can exercise guidance and accountability over anyone.
  • I understand the differences within the progression of discipline and the gap between guidance and force.
  • I never raise a hand in anger.
  • I show guidance that is worth following and an ever growing knowledge that is deserving of my submissives attention.
  • I understand that the worst punishment for a submissive comes in the form of my displeasure or disappointment and will never use that knowledge as an advantage, discipline or punishment.
  • I understand a persons emotions and mind are both beautiful and fragile, and I am dedicated and patient . Patience is not only a virtue in this area… It is imperative to a strong BDSM relationship.
  • I know communication is one of the most important aspects of my relationship and the core of communication is always listen.
  • I take the time and effort to know my submissive mind, body and needs and strive to know my submissive in all aspects of her personality.
  • I Know trust grows, so will the closeness of the relationship.
  • I am courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Knowledgeable enough to know that there is always more to learn.
  • Some of my most important tools are my mind, patience, communication, honor and love.
  • I know Im not perfect and will make mistakes and I am wise enough to admit them to move forward.
  • I understand that some of my greatest strength comes from being compassionate, consistent and fair.
  • I know that my words is my bond and I will be consistent and follow through.

The rules

Rules in a Bdsm relationship is important.
Beacause the rules are given to my submissive for her to understand and the rules are there to molde her, develop her, secure her and reminding both my submissive and me as a Dominant what i aspect of my submissive.
Rules are the core of a realationship and they are set to help my submissive.
So i often hear a submissive ask me “what rules are you going to give me? ” “How are you going to punish me if I break a rule?”

Well the answer at that point is , I do not know. I talk to sub all the time on Fetlife and also talking to submissives i know personally they tell me , about meeting new Dominants and the 50 rules they give, and most want the submissive to memorize everyone, and not in order. I myself find such behavior not only childish, controlling, insecure, inconsiderate , okay you get the idea.

I myself, take the time to get to know my submissive, inside and out. I want to know what she is going to say before she speaks. I want to know her thoughts, and most of all her bad habits and her ways. This is where the rules come in.

Rules are set in place to help, and to guide. I want my submissive to grow, blossom, be the best she can be. I want to motivate, through positive reinforcement.

A good submissive needs rules, it makes them feel complete, and they strive to be the best they can be.Ninety percent of the time one will only break a rule, if they feel they are not getting the attention they should be getting.

To many rules can make her feel over whelmed, confusion. Can make her feel as she is walking on eggshells , and last but not least fear.
Fear has a lot of exciting possibilities , but fear will never give you a good Submissive, it will give me a submissive who is using to much of her energy not breaking the rules, and this will prevent the submissive to grow and develop.
Therefor i have few rules for my submissive ( normally a Maximum of 10 rules)
They should be easy to follow and the rules are made for my submissive, not rules i have found on Google. The rules are very personal both for me as a Dominant and my submissive.
One of the important parts of rules are , when one is broken, punishment needs to be giving at that time, and explained why she is being punished. I am sure you get the idea. What I want to do is improve what I have, build her up, encourage her . I want my submissive to be the best she can be, in all aspects of her life.

As a responsible  owner  and Dominant I never make the mistake of not following through punishment if rules are broken, the out come is not good, once you lose that control, you will never regain it back. It is basically over at that point, we are no longer the dominant they need. This the key why rules are given to follow and they are there for my submissives best interest.

The key is  I never to lose my temper, there is no need to yell, scream, belittle , put down, humiliate, before punishing. I like to sit down, and talk about why the rule was broken, and give her the punishment I feel she deserve and afterwords and during the punishment asure that she is going to insure it will not happen again.

As for punishment, this is why I do not give out rules when I first meet someone, I want to get to know my submissive….Only then will rules develop and mould my submissive to the submissive I wish to create.

Rules are given as a gift to the submissive, i think a lot of Dominants forget this crucial part of a Bdsm relationship.

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